SheridanTris wrote:
Is it me or is it just becoming “the norm” that family loyalty doesn’t exist anymore. Admittedly there is quite a large age span in our family but an immediate (close) family member is getting married (mid 30s). Although my side of the family my late wife and I filled a hole left by an absent abusive parent. We paid for private school for 7 years, took them ski-ing every winter including New Zealand and USA. Included them for 10+ years in our summer holidays, planned Christmas around them so they never missed out.
We never expected anything in return except a thank you and good manners. Just found out the wedding is beginning of August and not invited. I get it is their choice but a simple letter or phone call would have been nice. My wife would have been devastated. We stayed close and organised their 30th birthday party so it isn’t as if we drifted or fell out.
Perfectly understandable reaction (yours). If your/wife's past involvement were acts of unconditional love, then you could shrug it off, as it's not a quid pro quo (still, hard to do).
You didn't say if the family member is the bride or groom. Which has traditional implications for who's paying. Maybe they're paying the wedding themselves and have a very small budget, and therefore a very short guest-list?
Rather than write them off and be spiteful, you could go the other way and invite them to a lunch or dinner w/you? To celebrate their upcoming nuptials. Kill 'em w/kindness. If they accept, you could then poke a bit. If they decline, well there's some other dynamic at play. But at least you made a goodwill gesture (again).