Pretty clever --- reads like a longer-form edition of Dumb Runner, with even more name-checks involved

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

You know the Brits are wacky when I read this and thought, “yeah I can see this being something they’d do” and not “oh it must be April 1st”

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MS: Exercise Science
Your speed matters a lot, sometimes you need to be very fast, where sometimes you need to breakdown your speed.

This used to be a real thing for car rallies, but rimed at 30mph (at night, on some VERY tight / difficult country roads, and long before the advent of Group B cars or the WRC Impreza.
(30mph tied in with some legislation to do with rallies on open roads).

Running has always had a version of this, where the winner is the runner who gets closest to their predicted time for a given distance (no watches). I won one of these (a 2mi. road race and I came within 2sec.)....the benefits of being a trackie.

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ECMGN Therapy Silicon Valley:
Depression, Neurocognitive problems, Dementias (Testing and Evaluation), Trauma and PTSD, Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)

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When I spent some quality time with those Philly Bike Messengers, some of their AlleyCat races actually inflicted a penalty if you got to a check point too early; I guess this would be analogous to making a delivery but "she's not back from lunch yet. You'll have to wait, sorry"

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

It'd be kinda like bracket racing at the drag strip.

I think some people missed that part? You mean "Simon Swatch" wasn't a big enough clue?

Or, more likely - and I'll give them the benefit of doubt, here - they took the joke and said 'y'know ... that's not a bad idea?'

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

Since it's the day after :-)

This could be the answer to the UCI's prayers on what to do about hookless rims - put a Speed Limit on them!!