I somewhat expected that, but not quite to the degree he's taking it. The facts are pretty well stacked on her side of the ledger so there isn't much he has to work with. And I have to think citing examples like that reveals how weak and petty his complaints are. I would guess the strategy is ask for everything and settle for a few extra weeks in the summer. But it just shows the total lack of respect he has for her and the incredibly hard job she has, and does exceptionally well, in raising the kids.

They would be beside themselves if they had to leave home for three months. I just can't imagine putting that on my children.

She received a response from his lawyer today detailing his allegations and what he is asking of the court.

He is asking for physical custody for the entire summer, from the day after school lets out until the day before it resumes, giving mom visitation every other weekend.

He's throwing absolutely everything he can at her to smear her as a bad mother, and me as contributing. Things like poor dental health (oldest needed tooth extractions for crowding, the younger two have had one cavity between them), poor diets (he cited noticing the middle child making a Nutella sandwich during a facetime session and having had "breakfast for dinner" with cereal and muffins, which we do on rare busy night occasion), and generally painting her as a terrible human being and mother. He had set up his phone in the car to video tape the kids talking about being hungry for dinner when he picked them up at 5pm one Friday, after getting home from school at 4, snacking and playing outside. He offered this as evidence--presumably with video--of her being a neglectful mother and punishing them with hunger to make their father pay for dinner.

He is asking the court to mandate that she always and only refer to him as Dad in her home and that they never use any iteration of the word in reference to me---all the while having his kids call his wife "Mama A**y"

This is so far from normal I can't even wrap my head around it. I cannot imagine taking my kids away from their mother for three months for any reason whatsoever, especially if it was my own fuckery that led to divorce and my choice to move nearly 3 hours away.

If your wife is ok with the kids seeing dad just every other weekend during the school year, she should have no problem with her seeing the kids every other weekend during the summer. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

you said that if Sphere’s wife is Ok with the dad only seeing them EOW during the year then she should be able to swallow the same pill. But what if she’s not ok with that? He’s the one that moved three hours away. What if the mother actually wanted the dad in their life more but HIS personal decisions just don’t allow for that because of what it does to the kid’s lives.

Sorry you guys are going through it again.

That 90 day law seems ridiculous. I wonder the rationale behind it. You’re with your kids for just around 25% of the year.

Is any of this really about doing what’s right for the kids ?

Seems like you provided some good information.

Regarding what one spouse seems reasonable with and goose/gander I feel like it should matter who put them in that situation.

For instance, you said that if Sphere’s wife is Ok with the dad only seeing them EOW during the year then she should be able to swallow the same pill. But what if she’s not ok with that? He’s the one that moved three hours away. What if the mother actually wanted the dad in their life more but HIS personal decisions just don’t allow for that because of what it does to the kid’s lives.

I still believe that once you enter the realm of children what you want becomes less important and it’s more about creating the best and safest environment for them. Wanna see your kids more? Great, put yourself in a position to do so and don’t complain if you make really bad choices (like moving three hours away when you have a job and house in the same town as them). Especially if your choices then impact the children so much as so you are upending their basic routines and lives and as this guy seems to do, interrupt their fun and appropriate activities.

They get one chance to be kids and if one parent seems intent on screwing that up then I don’t think said parent also gets their day in court so to speak.

Sphere may see it as what is best for the kids, the judge may see it as a typical trick a custodial parent does to undermine the other parent.

I have to wonder how often that is used as a "trick" as opposed to being construed that way by the noncustodial parent.

In our case, her ex said she shall not sign them up for any activities that fall on "his" weekend, when she mentioned that the kids were interested in playing soccer, volleyball, and basketball. She informed him that she will sign them up, they can make every practice and every game that falls on "her" weekend, and that whether he takes them to their games, or allows them to stay home with us on those weekends so they can attend, will be up to him. She never said that they cannot go with him on those weekends or that he must take them, only that they want to participate and it's his decision. She told the kids it will be up to their father if they go to the games on that weekend and stay at his home in the area, or if he has other plans for them. That has been well documented in the emails.

If a judge is inclined to see that as a trick, so be it.

How would it look if it were not a trick but mom understands that sports and activities are healthy for kids and wants them to participate however possible, but defers to the other parent on his weekends? Pretty much the same, I would imagine.

Her ex is right and most courts will agree with him that your wife shouldn’t be scheduling stuff on his parenting time. The courts tend to view NCP parenting time as sacred.

To answer your question, I would view it as slightly manipulative. I don’t think you wife is malicious, but, it puts her ex in a situation where he is viewed as the bad guy to the kids if he doesn’t go along with what their mother wants.

Her ex is right and most courts will agree with him that your wife shouldn’t be scheduling stuff on his parenting time. The courts tend to view NCP parenting time as sacred.

To answer your question, I would view it as slightly manipulative. I don’t think you wife is malicious, but, it puts her ex in a situation where he is viewed as the bad guy to the kids if he doesn’t go along with what their mother wants.

I think the video tape will blow up in his face like a hand grenade.

Apparently they did not submit the video. I am assuming his lawyer saw that as highly problematic since he doesn't seem to recognize the inappropriateness of it all.

They have submitted an audio recording, taken by her ex and his new wife, without her daughter's knowledge, that reveals her daughter calling her dad on mom's emergency use phone (she bought it to send with the kids when the go on sleepovers or other circumstances when it would be helpful), and admitting that she was sneaking the phone in her room to call, while she had the land line and ipad available to her. Both he and his wife were told at least twice previously that it is not the child's phone (she was 9 at the time), it is not to be used without her consent and it is not to be used for any communication outside of those conditions I explained above. Their response when she admitted to them that she was breaking the rule and using her mom's phone, which she snuck out of our bedroom while we were outside, was that it's ok, don't worry about it. Together they proceeded to teach her how to go into her mom's phone and unblock the numbers that the daughter had stored in there without mom's permission, and another number they didn’t recognize. They walked her through the process then had her FaceTime them and told them how excited they were that she could facetime them now--which they always could because she has an Ipad with facetime set up for their communications and used it frequently.

Later in the day mom noticed the phone was missing and saw that she had taken it without permission, made changes, and made phone calls, watched youtube etc. Mom emailed her father that evening and explained, for the third time at least, that it is not the daughter's phone, it his her personal property and not to be used by the kids without permission, and that they have two ipads with facetime and a landline that the kids can call on and vice versa.

They submitted this recording as evidence that, in their view, mom is blocking communications with them despite her buying two ipad minis and installing a landline specifically for him, all at her expense and without being asked. If you haven't read that far back, he is blocked from her phone for constant harassment and was convicted in military court (GOMOR) for that and other behavior.

Imagine secretly recording your kids conversation, ignoring the fact that she was explicitly breaking mom's rule and stealing her phone, then you and your wife coaching her to dig through mom's phone and making changes to it, and submitting it to the court as evidence in your favor. These are the kinds of people we're dealing with.

The law says one party consent is legal in VA but not for use in court. I don't know how that applies to minors or that party's children in a divorce situation, but I would like to think we shouldn't have to worry about conversations taking place under our roof being covertly recorded. She will be asking her lawyer about that on Monday before Friday's deposition.

I have a hard time imagining being able to let the kids do any sports if you’re only allowed to sign them up for things that would never fall on the other parent’s occasional custodial weekend. If the courts view that as the standard, then the courts are wrong.